


The life we deserved

by a_Kabby_k



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, DadKane, Drama, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Season 1 Abby, what if
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-11-12 04:45:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_Kabby_k/pseuds/a_Kabby_k
Summary: "I...I know that it sounds crazy, but, I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I don’t belong to this world, I’m not this woman on the pictures. Even if we look the same, I know that’s not me,"When Season 1 Abby wakes up in a world where she lives on earth and worst of all, where she’s engaged to Marcus Kane...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First, thank you sooo much to @abbygkane and @unbreakablemon for their precious help <3

Something was wrong. She knew it even before she had opened her eyes: the mattress beneath her was too soft, the sheets didn’t itch and the soft warmth she could feel on her face wasn’t supposed to exist in space.

_I could still be dreaming_ , she told herself as she let out a little content sigh, snuggling deeper into this pleasant place between sleep and awake. If she could, she would live here forever. She’d live in a place where time had frozen and her life wasn’t a cluster of pain and tears. Realistically, she knows that she’ll have to wake up soon and face reality, but there’s still some time.

In all her life, never had any of her dreams felt so real, so genuine. The scent which was teasing her nostrils, something sweet and smooth, smelled like a Sunday morning of yesterday. Her ears picked up the soft chirping of birds, making her dream of a beautiful day on Earth. Everything was so perfect that she didn’t want to open her eyes, because she didn’t want it all to vanish.

_Five more minutes_ , she told herself. _Just five more minutes_ , she begged her subconscious. But she didn’t get them.

A deafening bang made her jump and her eyes flew open.

_Where the hell am I?_ Was the first thing she thought as she realized that she didn’t recognize the room around her. It didn’t look like the Ark, not at all. She hastily sat up in bed, her heart beating frantically in her chest. She felt as if she had been transported into an old movie, a pre-nuclear war movie. She was in a big bed, surrounded by furniture which wasn’t made from plastic or metal and even stranger, as she looked out of the window, there were no stars in the sky but instead there was a shade of colour she had never seen in all her life. The sheet was as white as if it was new and it didn’t smell the antibacterial like they used to on the Ark. She lowered her gaze and blinked at the sight of her outfit. She was wearing a pale pink pajama with black lace sewn at the neckline and along the hem of the top. Could she be on earth? No, she couldn’t, it wasn’t possible.

Abby put her head in her hands and tried to collect her mind. Her last memory was being on the Ark, packing medical supplies for the upcoming departure of the Exodus Ship and then...

" _Oh God_ ," she breathed out as she remembered Diana Sydney’s mutiny.

She had tried to escape, she remembered that. She had tried, she had pushed the opening button, but then..., then everything went black.

_Did they make it? Did they land on the ground? And the Ark? Jackson, Thelonius, Kane, everybody else? Did they survive the launch?_ Thousand of questions were running through her mind as panic was taking over. Without giving it a second thought, she jumped off the bed and ran towards the door.

Body shaking, she exited the room and ran down the corridor, coming to an abrupt halt as she heard voices coming from downstairs. Holding her breath, she listened carefully. She couldn’t hear who was speaking nor could she understand what they were saying so ever so quietly, she began to descend the stairs.  

" _No way_ ," a female voice exclaimed, and Abby froze.

" _Come on O, you don’t trust me?_ " a male voice answered, followed by the sound of a cup being placed on a surface.

Abby swallowed and tried to calm herself. She didn’t know these voices. They might be grounders’, but that seemed unlikely. The grounders Clarke had talked about weren’t supposed to live in houses like this. From what she had understood, grounders lived in primitive homes. But, then again, houses like this should have been destroyed during the nuclear war. Perhaps the grounders that the kids had described weren’t the only survivors, perhaps there were other civilizations who had survived and had decided to rebuild as it had been pre-nuclear war.  

" _Well, not when it comes to boys. Do you remember Atom? Hmm?_ " the female voice asked ironically.

" _Atom_ ", the name lingered in Abby’s mind. She knew that name, she had heard it before.

_Could it be the name of one of the hundred?_

She kept going down the stairs on her tiptoes until she finally arrived in a hall. She was facing the entrance of what looked like a big living room. Hesitantly, she walked in and noticed another room on the other side of a wooden dining table. She let her eyes travel across the room for a moment, but she didn’t pay any attention to the picture frames above the fireplace. A huge window was overlooking a street and the sight of a car passing in front of it made her hide behind a white armchair, scared of being spotted. Feeling her heartbeat increase, she felt a panic attack coming up.

Another sound coming from the opposite room drew her attention. Rising from her crouched position, she started to walk towards the sliding door which were half-open and as she glimpsed between them, she caught sight of a man’s back.

The voices were still talking, but she didn’t listen to them anymore. This figure, the way he stood, his dark hair... She took a few steps forward, passing a beige couch, still staring at the man who couldn’t rationally be--

" _Hey, keep it down, please,_ " the man snapped as he turned around.

Abby held back a yelp by covering her mouth with both of her hands. This was totally insane.

_He couldn’t be there, he couldn’t be on earth. He was in space, on the Ark, probably dead because of Diana’s treason and-- and-- He didn’t have a beard!_

Abby stumbled a little in shock. It didn’t make any sense. She must be dreaming or hallucinating, it couldn’t be otherwise.

" _Hi mom,_ " a too familiar voice resonated behind her and her heart missed a beat.

A blonde teenage girl walked past her and walked into the kitchen. Abby remained still, like if she had just seen a ghost. _Clarke!_ She was there. She was safe. Abby immediately felt the need to run to her, to take her in her arms and to hold her for a long time, but her body seemed no longer to listen to her. She was too stunned to move or to say anything.

" _Hey, look who’s finally woken up_ ," Kane exclaimed with an unusual wide smile as he got rid of the dish towel he had on his shoulder and walked toward her.

Abby’s eyes traveled from him to Clarke until he arrived in front of her and did something which unsettled her completely: He cupped her face with his both hands and leaned to kiss her forehead.  

" _Do you feel better?_ " he asked her, his thumb brushing lightly against her cheekbone.

Abby stared at him, eyes wide, wondering what the hell was going on.

" _Sorry about the noise, the dish slipped out of my hand,_ " he apologized, tucking lovingly a strand of her hair behind her ear.

" _Slipped, yeah, sure... This has nothing to do with the burnt pancakes,_ " a brunette girl mocked him from the doorway before munching an apple.

" _Stopped making fun of him O., he does his best,_ " a boy reprimanded her, messing her hair up as he passed her.  

" _Damn Bellamy,_ " the girl shouted, trying to kick him.

" _Guys...,_ " Kane warned them off, holding back a sigh, his hands still on each side of her face.

" _I have to go, Echo’s waiting for me,_ " the boy named Bellamy said as he grabbed a car key on the coffee table.

" _Hey, you said you’d drop me off at the Mall,_ " the brunette protested, following him in the corridor.

" _Don’t worry, I’m on it,_ " Kane told Abby before following the two teenagers.

The next five minutes were filled with cries and insults. Kane was trying to calm things down while Abby was still standing in the middle of the living room, disbelief. She didn’t understand any of it.

_How could they be on earth, living in a house which seemed to have never been impacted by the nuclear bombing? Why were they all acting this strangely?_

Her daughter had said good morning to her like if they had seen each other the previous day whereas they had been separated for almost two weeks. And Kane, _what was wrong with him?_ First, he had a beard and then he kissed her forehead like if they were...

" _It’s okay Octavia, I’ll drop you off, I got to stop at Niylah’s store anyway. I’ll wait for you in the car,_ " Clarke’s voice resonated in the hall follow by the sound of the door.

Abby felt her blood run cold in her veins. Clarke was leaving. She couldn’t let her, not without having made sure that she was okay, that she wasn’t harmed in any way.  

" _Clarke wait,_ " she exclaimed loudly, running toward her daughter.

Without thinking, she took her in her arms and hold her tight, breathing her in, under the amazed eyes of the three other people in the room.

" _Mum? Are you okay?_ " Clarke asked her, trying to push her softly away.

" _Yes, sweetheart. Yes, I am,_ " Abby breathed out, her eyes shining with tears as she stroked her daughter’s face.

It felt so good to have her back again. To feel her in her arms, to know that she was safe and that she would be able to protect her again.

" _And you? How do you feel?_ " she asked in turn, scanning her face, looking for injuries.

" _Well, I-- I’m fine,_ " Clarke answered tentatively, throwing Kane a questioning look.

" _Mum, I-- We really need to go,_ " the girl added, trying to escape from her mother’s grip.

" _No. No, wait. I...I don’t understand. What happened? How-- We were on space and--_ " Abby started to object frantically.

" _Wow. Okay, how many sleeping pills did you take last night, Doc?_ " Octavia exclaimed, bursting into laughter.

The three other started to laugh too, and Abby felt her worry turn into anger. She abruptly took a step backwards, her gaze fixed on the floor and her fingers rubbing her temples, trying desperately to collect her memories. Probably alerted by her unusual reaction, Kane stopped laughing.

" _Abby, are you okay?_ " he fretted, reaching for her shoulder.

Abby jerked reflexively away from his touch.

" _Don’t touch me,_ " she spat, pushing violently his hand away.

This time, everybody stopped laughing and a deafening silence fell upon them. The kids were exchanging astonished looks while Marcus was staring at her with an expression she had never seen on his face. He looked hurt. Hurt and concerned.

Abby put her face in her hand and tried to calm down her breathing, leaning against the closest wall.

" _Okay..._ " Marcus stated after several seconds before clearing his throat. " _I got this,_ " he assured the three others in a lower voice.

Abby didn’t look up, but she heard the sound of footsteps moving away, followed by the sound of a door opening and closing. She would have wanted to stop Clarke, to ask her to stay, but she was too busy trying to make sense out of what she was living.

" _Honey, what’s going on?_ " Kane asked her quietly as he walked towards her, but this time stopped at a proper distance.

Abby closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. S _ince when Kane thought he was allowed to call her by a pet name?_ It was insane and it didn’t sound like him.

" _Was I in a coma?_ " she inquired, staring suspiciously at him.

This was the best explanation. It had to be that. The landing didn’t go well and she passed out for days, maybe weeks, even months. Yes, that was it!

" _What? No, of course not. You...You didn’t feel well when you came home last night. You said you had a headache so you went to bed early,_ " Kane explained, trying to catch her gaze.

Abby shook her head and let out a deep and exasperate sigh.

" _Stop lying to me. It doesn’t make sense. None of this makes any sense,_ " she insisted, hitting her head a little against the wall behind her. " _We were on the Ark, the Exodus ship was almost ready to launch and...and Diana seized it and then...and then..._ ," she told herself more than she told him, clinging to her last memories.

" _Do you have a fever? Do you want me to call a doctor?_ " Kane asked her as he took another step toward her, scanning her face with a frown.

" _No! I’m a doctor and I’m fine, it’s just...it’s just-- I can’t remember,_ " she finally confessed, holding back the tears which were filling her eyes.

She felt like if she was becoming crazy and it scared her.

" _Okay, don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine. I’ll call a doctor,_ " Kane claimed as he started to walk toward the living room.

Abby’s eyes flew open.

" _No!_ " She protested strongly, but he didn’t listen to her. " _No! No !_ " She kept opposing, following him. " _Kane stop,_ " she shouted as she saw him pick up the phone.

This time he stopped moving, the phone still in his hand. She couldn't see his face, but the way his shoulder blades drew together made her realized that she might have said something wrong.

" _Kane? Kane?!_ ," he echoed in a tone which navigated between shocked and hurt as he turned around to face her.

Abby swallowed hard as she saw the same expression he had on his face barely two minutes earlier when she had pushed his hand away.

_Since when Marcus Kane had become such an open book to her?_

The Marcus Kane she knew never showed his emotions. The Marcus Kane she knew was always cold and unfathomable. He never batted an eye, he never made a face.

" _What_?" she asked, feeling unusually bothered by his reaction.

Since Jake’s death, she had tried a thousand of time to hurt him, to break that damn mask of callousness and of insensitivity, to force him to show that he was still human, but she never succeeded, not with mean words at least. In fact, he had let her enter in his secret bubble only once: namely the day Vera died. The look on his face during that horrible day was still engraved in her mind. Anyway, this time she hadn’t asked for this expression on his face and even more she didn’t even know what she had said to prompt it.

" _You haven’t called me that since...,_ " he started to say, but he faltered and let the sentence trail off while lowering his gaze.

" _Since what?_ " Abby insisted, while this time it was her who took a step closer.

She saw him hesitate for a second, but he then shook his head and put the phone back down.

" _Never mind. I’ll take you to the hospital. Go get dressed, it might be a stroke, we have to hurry,_ " he told her, feeling his pocket, probably looking for his car key.

" _It’s not a stroke, I’m fine, I just need you to answer my question,_ " Abby objected, shifting herself to block him as he tried to walk pass her.

Kane let out a deep sigh and grabbed her shoulders. This time, Abby flinched a little under his touch, but she didn’t push him away.

" _Abby you had a headache, you’re confused, you’re short of breath, you didn’t remember—_ " he argued, but she lifted her chin boldly like she always did when she wasn’t willing to let him win and it made him let out a loud sigh. " _I’m not kidding Abby, just put your coat on, I’ll come back later for your clothes,_ " he told her before forcing her to move away from his way.

" _I’m not going anywhere before you told me what the hell happened,_ " she barked, making him stop to look at her once again.

" _But I_ _ **have**_ _told you,_ " he stated, and it was obvious to her that he was starting to get annoyed.

" _No, you didn’t. When did we land? How did we-- Is everybody alive? Where are they?_ " she asked, her tone becoming shriller and shriller as emotions were overwhelming her.

" _Who are you talking about?_ " he inquired, sighing one more time.

" _Thelonius, Jackson, Callie..._ " Abby started to enumerate with apprehension.

" _We’re Sunday, so they’re probably at home sleeping in, eating pancakes or doing what they usually do a Sunday morning,_ " he answered, shrugging ostensibly, his palms lifted toward the ceiling.

Abby stood still, staring at him with wide eyes. She couldn’t have said if she was more relieved by the fact that they were all alive or more astounded by the insanity of the answer. She didn’t know how to react, neither than her body because it failed her a second later. Her legs felt suddenly like jelly and she collapsed on the couch behind her. She started to hyperventilate and quickly her breaths turned into sobs.

" _Hey, hey, hey...it’s okay Abby_ ," Kane exclaimed as he rushed to kneel in front of her.

Abby buried her face in her hand and started to shake and rock uncontrollably. She was losing her mind, there was no other explanation. It wasn’t a dream, a dream couldn’t be so real. She might be dead and maybe they were all dead, but if that was the case then where was Jake? Her parents? All the people she had known?

" _Abby, look at me,_ " Kane’s voice reached her ears as she felt two strong and warm hands land on her legs.

" _You’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna go to the hospital, just to make sure this isn’t serious and then we’ll come back and you’ll take some rest. I’m sure that you’re simply overworked,_ " he told her in a reassuring tone, while stroking her pajama clad knee in a comforting manner.

Slowly, Abby looked up at him and nodded. _Who are you?_ , she thought silently, not recognizing the gentle and caring man in front of her. However, she kept the question for herself not wanting to sound crazier that she already was.  

" _Let’s go,_ " he whispered with a tender smile, wiping away a tear on her cheekbone.


	2. Chapter 2

During all the way to the hospital, Abby remained quiet, staring with wide eyes at the world which was passing before her eyes outside the window of the car. Everything was intact, not a single mark of a nuclear explosion. Even more, thousand of people seemed to live their life as if nothing had happened. All of this was insane. She couldn’t have forgotten an entire life and invented another one. A delirium due to a mental illness couldn’t be so precise. She could still perfectly see every corner of her quarters: from baby Clarke’s scribbles on the wall of the bathroom, to the cracked mirror, she had broken the night after Jake’s execution in her bedroom. She had clear memories from her childhood to her last days on the Ark.

The more the time passed, the more she was curling up on her seat under Kane’s worried gaze. He continued to ask her if she was okay and each time she offered him a little nod. To be honest, she wasn’t fine at all but not because of a brain stroke. She wasn’t fine because she was scared to death. Scared of the thousand noises she had never heard in all her life, scared of the intensity of the colors before her eyes, scared of an entire world she didn’t know at all and she thought had disappeared for good.

Suddenly, Kane stopped the car and told her they had arrived. Without a word, they started to walk toward the main entrance of the hospital and she felt Kane’s hand land on her lower back. As a reflex, she shifted slightly away from his touch and wrapped her arms protectively around her torso. She felt him stand still for a second before putting his hand in his pocket. Her rejection was clearly hurting him, but she couldn’t help, she wasn’t the woman he thought she was and the Kane she knew had no right to touch her like that.

The hall was full of patients, waiting for their turn, but Kane didn’t stop at the reception. He immediately headed for a nurse who was questioning an old woman.

" _Is Doctor Jackson working today?_ " he asked her without a greeting.

" _Yes, but he’s busy. He’s with a patient,_ " the girl explained without looking up at him.

" _Go get him, it’s an emergency,_ " Kane ordered her abruptly.

The nurse let out a sigh and turned her head toward him.

" _Yeah Sir, I’m sure that it is, but as you probably know, you’re in the emergency room. Go to the reception to be registered and we’ll send you someone as soon as possible,_ " she told him, rolling her eyes, visibly exasperated.

" _Hey, wait !_ " Kane objected, grabbing her arm as she started to walk away.

The nurse removed violently her arm from his grip and glared at him.

" _Please don’t touch me, Sir. Don’t make me call for the security,_ " she warned, trying to keep a neutral face despite the anger in her eyes.

" _Sorry, just go tell him I’m here with Doctor Griffin please_ ," he asked her for, this time in a more pleading tone.

" _Doctor Abigail Griffin?_ " the girl inquired, shifting a little to look behind him.

" _Hi,_ " Abby greeted her with an embarrassed smile and a little shake of her hand.

The girl seemed to recognize her because her frown faded away as she nodded.

" _Okay, wait a minute,_ " she told them before walking away toward swinging doors.

" _Thanks,_ " Kane mumbled before letting out a deep sigh as he turned toward Abby.

He lifted his arm and his hand wandered a second in the air, like if he was about to reach for her face, but at the last moment he stopped and rubbed his nape instead. Abby pressed her lips together as she stared at him, wondering how the Kane she knew could have become this physical person, especially with her. _Maybe because he’s not the Kane I know_ , she told herself, but it wouldn’t have sense. _I might be in an alternative universe_ , she thought, but it was insane, that kind of stuff happened in science-fiction movies, it didn’t exist in real life.

" _Abby,_ " a familiar voice exclaimed and she saw Jackson scampered toward them, the nurse next to him. " _What’s going on? Are you okay?_ " he asked, reaching for her shoulder.

" _Oh god Jackson,_ " she breathed out, jumping into his arms without a second thought.

He was safe and sound too, and he’ll be able to give her an explanation about all of this. She felt so relieved that tears filled her eyes again.

" _She’s not. Can we go to a quieter place?_ " Kane answered on her behalf.

" _Sure, follow me,_ " Jackson said, leading Abby toward a medical room with his arm around her shoulders.

" _So, what’s going on?_ " he asked her as he invited her to sit on the examination table.

Abby swallowed and shook her head lightly, staring into space. She didn’t know how to explain what she was living.

" _I—I don’t know—I—I just woke up this morning with no memories of how we got up here,_ " she answered, looking up at him, a little bit lost.

Jackson frown and give a brief sidelong look to Kane.

" _And by here you mean...?_ " he asked, letting his question unresolved.

" _I mean on earth Jackson,_ " Abby specified, a little annoyed by the stupidity of his question. " _The last thing I remember is that I was packing medical supplies and that Diana had taken over the exodus ship,_ " she kept going, certain of what she was telling.

Jackson took a deep breath, as if he was bracing himself. He seemed to think for a second and then put his hand on her knee.

" _Abby...,_ " he breathed out, visibly embarrassed.

" _She had a headache last night,_ " Kane took the floor abruptly. " _She’s-- she’s like that since she woke up, she’s rambling incoherently about space, about an Exodus ship, about--_ " Kane explained, but he didn’t have time to finish his sentence.

" _I’m not !_ " Abby exclaimed vehemently, cutting him off.

" _Hey, Abby. Shh, just stay calm, okay?_ ," Jackson tried to cool her down by taking one of her hands in both of his. " _Can you--What’s your name?_ " he asked her before pressing shamefully his lips together as if he was embarrassed to treat her like a patient.

" _Jackson_ ," Abby sighed, rolling her eyes.

He didn’t believe her, not more than Kane and it made her feelings navigate between sadness and anger.

" _Please,_ " he insisted with a shy smile, squeezing her hand lightly.

" _Fine,_ " she capitulated. " _My name is Abigail Griffin, I was born in 2109 on the Ark. My father was Aloïs Walters, he was a Doctor and my mother was Iris Walters, born Stewart, and she was a nurse. I’m a Doctor and I lived on Alpha Station with my husband Jake Griffin and my daughter Clarke,_ " she reported, fighting against the exasperation which was growing inside her.

Jackson’s face crumbled a little and Kane shifted slightly with embarrassment.

" _That’s enough, I don't have a memory issue,_ " she lost her patience, jumping off the examination table.

" _Abby,_ " Jackson stopped her, catching her arm. " _Do you know-- Do you remember that Jake is...,_ " he started to ask and she immediately understood where he was getting at.

" _Dead! Of course, I know that Jackson, I--_ ," she finished for him, reaching for Jake’s ring around her neck, but-- " _Where is it?_ " she gasped, lowering her head to look at where the ring used to be.

All she saw was her own right hand, trying to find something which wasn’t there anymore. Even worse, the ring around her finger wasn’t her wedding ring. It wasn’t made of metal like hers had been, but it was made of silver and it was set with a little colorless diamond on the top.

" _That’s not mine, where--_ " she said, lifting her hand before her and staring with horror at a ring she didn’t recognize.

" _Clarke has them. You gave them to her when--,_ " Kane hurried to reassure her, but he stopped himself and bit his lower lip.

" _When what?_ " Abby snapped, glaring at him.

Kane opened his mouth, but not sound came out. He remained quiet for several seconds and swallowed hard. He blinked slowly and then draw back his attention on Jackson.

" _Do you think it could be a stroke?_ " he asked him with concern, changing the subject.

" _Answer me, Kane,_ " Abby erupted, her fingers clenching hard around the edge of the examination table.

" _When we got together,_ " he snapped brutally, his voice louder than necessary.

He seemed stunned by his own tone and he immediately closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. A heavy silence fell on the room and no one spoke for a dozen of very long seconds. Jackson was looking at his feet while Abby tried to deal with the meaning of the revelation. _They were together...How could this have happened? How could she have fallen in love with Marcus Kane? Even in an alternative universe, that wouldn’t be possible_

" _Sorry I—I just need a minute,_ " Kane finally apologized, before hurrying to leave the room.

" _Don’t move, I’ll be right back,_ " Jackson told Abby, following Kane outside.

Jackson pulled the door behind him, but it didn't close entirely. Abby couldn’t see the two men, but she could hear them speak.

" _I’m sorry...It’s just--_ " she heard Kane apologize once more before stopping speaking as his voice seemed to break a little.

" _Hey, don’t worry, I’ll be running some test, we’ll find out what’s wrong with her,_ " Jackson reassured him.

" _Yes, do that please,_ " Kane agreed with a thankful tone in his voice.

" _It seems that she doesn’t have lost her memories, they're just...distorted...,_ " Jackson pointed out in a lower voice.

" _She has lost some,_ " Kane objected. " _She didn’t remember...us. She’s acting like when—when I--,_ " he started to explain, but the end of his sentence died in a deep sigh.

" _When you tried to convict her of first-degree premeditated murder?_ " Jackson suggested and Abby noticed a hint of bitterness in his voice.

_Maybe he’s not so different from the Kane of the Ark, after all_ , Abby thought as she pricked up her ears, waiting for Kane’s answer.

" _Well, I was going to say when I was an ass, but yes, that too,_ " Kane acknowledged in an embarrassed tone.

" _With all due respect Mr. District Attorney, you’re still an ass_ " Jackson jabbed him. " _Sometimes,_ " he added a split second later in a lighter tone.

For the first time since she woke up, Abby couldn’t hold back a slight smile.

" _Well,_ t _hank you, Doctor Jackson,"_ Kane said with a chuckle.

" _I’m gonna see if we can do an MRI and a CT scan right now, can you stay with her?_ " Jackson declared more seriously.

" _Of course,_ " Kane told him.

Abby heard Jackson’s footsteps walking away. She swayed uncomfortably on the table, expecting to have to face Kane once again, but the latter didn’t enter the room.

" _It’s me. I-- Don’t worry, but we’re in the hospital, nothing serious, your mother is fine, we just need to do some test before getting home. I’ll keep you inform. By the way, could you make sure that Octavia gets home before eight? She didn’t answer my text and she has a test tomorrow. Thank you. See you soon._ " she heard him talk on the phone instead.

It took him one more minute before entering the room and Abby suspected that he was trying to collect himself.

" _I called Clarke,_ " he told her as he walked in. " _It was her voice mail, but I told her where we were and that she doesn’t have to worry,"_ he added as he leaned against the opposite wall and crossed his arms over his torso.

" _Thank you,_ " Abby thanked him with a brief nod.

They remained quiet for a while, both avoiding to look at each other. Strangely, it was the first thing that felt familiar. Trying to ignore each other was what they always did when they found themselves alone in the meeting room before a council meeting and she was more comfortable with his heavy muteness than with his new tendency to take care of her.

" _I reserved the MCI and the TC scan, we can go now,_ " Jackson informed them as he came back about five minutes later.

" _Yes, go on. I’ll wait in the waiting room,_ " Kane declared, putting his phone back in his pocket.

Jackson nodded and put a hand on Abby’s shoulder.

" _Let’s go, Abby,_ " he said, guiding her toward the door.

 

Abby felt like the exams had taken an eternity. Her brain had been watched from all sides and a dozen of tubes had been filled with her blood. Jackson had examined her carefully and he hadn’t found any external anomaly. Her heart rate was normal, just like her breathing. Her blood pressure was good and she wasn’t running a fever. She was now back in the examination room waiting for the medical results. Kane was there too, looking quietly out the window.

" _So, I have good news,_ " Jackson declared as he entered the room. " _Your brain is fine, there is no sign of stroke,_ " he reassured her with a smile.

" _Thank god,_ " Kane exhaled, rubbing his face.

Abby didn’t react, she just nodded slightly. She knew it wasn’t a stroke, she was sure of it and she was still waiting for an explanation.

" _So, you didn’t find anything?_ " Kane inquired, still feeling worried if the slight shaking of his voice was anything to go by.

" _No, nothing for now. I’m still waiting on the results of the blood work, but those will still take at least two days I’m afraid,_ " Jackson answered him, pressing his lips together in embarrassment.

" _Two days?_ " Kane exclaimed. " _You’re kidding me, Jackson! She lost her memory we can’t afford--_ " he took offence.

" _That’s enough Kane,"_ Abby cut in harshly without looking at him.

Kane closed his mouth and let out a deep sigh.

" _Please tell me that you’re at least gonna keep her for observation?”_ He exclaimed a second later.

" _I’m not staying here,_ " Abby objected firmly, glaring at him.

" _I can’t anyway. There is no medical reason to keep you here, but I’m gonna give you medical leave,_ " Jackson told her, looking up at Kane from the corner of his eyes. " _If you can’t take care of her, ask Callie to come, I’m sure she would take days off,_ " he added this time to him with a hint of defiance in his voice.

" _I’m perfectly able to take care of the woman I love_ ," Kane snarled, giving him a dirty look.

" _I’m sure you are_ ," Jackson said with a pinched smile.

On the Ark, even before Kane had tried to float her, Abby knew that Jackson wasn’t a big fan of him. He never was so provocative toward him, but still, he always made some unkind comment each time he had to deal with him. He had even told her once that he didn’t like the way Kane behaved with her. He thought he was mean, arrogant and that he couldn’t be trusted. So it wasn’t a surprised to find out that Jackson disproved a relationship between them.

" _So, I am free to go now?_ " Abby finally asked to put an end to the tension which was growing in the room.

" _Yes, but if anything happens just call me, okay?_ " he asked her for.

She swore to do it at least a dozen of times before they finally reached the car and get inside.

The trip back was quiet, for which she was grateful because she couldn’t stand the flash the pain on Kane’s face each time she opened her mouth to speak. Under different circumstances she wouldn’t have given a damn about it but, at this moment, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He clearly wasn’t the man she knew on the Ark. He was another version of himself, more loving, more human. It still seemed crazy, but she was starting to accept that she might be in another universe, maybe like one of those she had learned about on the Ark, by a scientist named Einstein. Maybe she had fallen into a black hole after the launch of the Exodus ship or maybe she was just losing her mind like Jackson and Kane seemed to think.

When they finally arrived at home, Kane told her to take some rest in the bedroom and he offered her to bring her some food later. Even if she wasn’t tired at all, Abby accepted and went to the bedroom where she had woken up a few hours earlier. She needed some time alone to think, to find an explanation and some logic in all this mess. She took off her coat and threw it on the bed. She was still wearing her pajamas, she realized as she glimpsed her reflection in the full-length mirror. Her gaze lingered on the immaculate fabric. In all her life, she had always worn second-hand clothes. When they weren’t stained, they were weary or even worse. It didn’t feel right, these clothes, this house, this world. She didn’t belong there, she never had. She hadn’t lost her memory, the Ark was real, so was her life in space.

She kept staring at her own reflection and her eyes finally fell on the engagement ring around her finger. She couldn’t help but wince. Without a second thought, she took it off and put it on the dresser next to her.

_No!_

It didn’t matter what time line or universe she was in, she could never marry Marcus Kane. It was simply not possible. She hated him for what happened with Jake and Clarke and nothing could ever change that.

As she turned around, she saw a second door near the window. Walking towards it, she opened it, revealing a stunning and luxurious bathroom with a bathtub and a shower. Two white bathrobes were hanging up to the wall, next to two sinks installed on wooden furniture. This looked like the bathroom of her dreams. Slowly, she walked in and let the faint smell of the bathing products invade her senses. In all her life she had never smelled anything that good, it was almost intoxicating.

Carefully, she slid the door of the shower open and lifted the lever in front of her. Immediately, a stream of hot water hit her face and she couldn’t help but jump a little as a gasp escaped her lips. She hurried to turn it off and glanced over her shoulder. She waited several second, wondering if her little cry would have alerted Kane, but everything remained quiet.

She looked back at the lever and hesitated. For now, she was stuck in this world, with nothing to do but wait for a solution. Taking the first hot shower in her life didn’t sound that bad after all. She debated with herself for a little longer before finally locking the door. Once that was done, Abby hurried to undress and got in the shower. She turned on the water and exhaled a satisfied breath as droplets started to run along her naked body. On the Ark, due to the water restrictions, having a wash was, at best, allowed only a day a month with a bucket of cold water. This was a comfort they couldn’t afford and Abby couldn’t help but feel guilty as she looked the drinkable water disappearing in the U-bend. Her sense of guilt was finally too strong and she hurried to clean up herself even if she would have loved to stay there for hours.

As she stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a robe, Abby saw a tray with food sitting on top of the dresser. There were two sandwiches, a glass of water and a green apple waiting for her. Tentatively, she bent a little to smell it. She had never eaten anything else than food the form of a bar. She took a piece of the sandwich and gave it a try. At first, she winced, unable to decide if she liked it or not. It wasn’t bad, but it was certainly new, new and strange. She was about to try it again when the door of the bedroom burst open and and a blond hurricane stormed in.

" _Mum, are you okay?_ " Clarke asked her as she cupped her face in her both hand and stared at her.

" _Yes, honey, I’m fine, I--_ " Abby assured her with a little smile at the corner of her lips.

" _Kane says you lost your memory,_ " the girl said with a strangled voice as she hugged her mother and hold her tight against her.

Abby closed her eyes and winced as she wrapped her arms around her daughter’s shoulders.

" _I—It’s complicated..., but we’ll figure this out. Don’t worry sweetheart. I’m gonna be okay,_ " she murmured tenderly in Clarke’s ear.

If the world all around her didn’t feel right for Abby, Clarke did. This girl was her daughter. She was the baby she had carried protectively almost nine months in her belly. Her voice, her smell, her touches, it was her, really her.

" _I love you,_ " Abby breathed out, tightening her embrace around her daughter’s body as her eyes started to sting a little.

" _I love you too,_ " Clarke told her back in a muted sob.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going on vacation until 06/25, I haven’t gone back to my family since Christmas so I don’t know if I’d have time to post a new chapter next week. I’ll do my best !


	3. Chapter 3

On the doorstep, Marcus felt her heart tightening painfully in his chest. In all his life he had never been more scared than now. His hands were shaking slightly as he watched how the two Griffin women clung to each other. Even though Abby might have forgotten about their relationship, at least she still remembered her daughter, which was a tiny comfort he was glad for. A sad smiled tugged at the corner of his lips as he heard them exchanging some loving words. Seeing them like that had been rare lately and he was glad that Clarke was able to put her resentment aside in a moment like this.

From the corner of his eye, Marcus saw Bellamy’s figure emerge at the corner of the corridor. He took one last look at Abby and then closed the door quietly.

“ _How is she?_ ” Bellamy asked him in a low voice.

“ _She’s with Clarke. Her condition seems stable for now. Let’s give them some time alone,_ ” he answered simply, trying to hide his worries as he walked toward the stairs.

“ _And you?_ ” the boy asked him, catching his arm as he passed next to him.  

“ _I’m fine,_ ” Marcus lied with a nod without looking at him. “ _News from Octavia?_ ” he changed the subject, downing the stairs.

“ _No. She didn’t answer my calls,_ ” Bellamy answered as he followed him.

“ _Did she_ _know_ _? I mean, about Abby?_ ” Marcus inquired as he took a brief look at his phone.

“ _I_ _left_ _her a_ _message, but_ _I don’t know if she_ _listened_ _to it,_ ” Bellamy told him, pressing his lips together in embarrassment.

Marcus sighed and nodded. It was now more than a year and half since he had found out about Octavia and he had taken his responsibility as a father. During that time Bellamy and Octavia had moved in with him, but sometimes it still felt like they were strangers to each other. The teenage girl was going through a hard time and he didn’t know how to help her, or how to reach her.

“ _Let me know if you have news,_ ” he asked a little worried. “ _I’ll be in my office, I need to call my team and Jaha, telling them Abby and I need some days off,_ ” Marcus informed the younger man.  

“ _Of course._ _Is there something I can do_ _?_ ” Bellamy asked him.

“ _No, thanks,_ ” Marcus answered with a grateful smile, but as he turned around a thought crossed his mind. “ _Actually…, do you know where Abby keeps the camcorder? And the DVD?_ ” he asked with little hope and not sure of what he would do with it.

“ _Well, no but I can look it up_ ,” the boy offered, shrugging.

“ _Yes, please,_ ” Marcus replied with a grateful nod.  

As soon as he walked into his office, Marcus closed the door behind him before leaning against it. Pressing his eyes closed, he let out a deep sigh. In his career as an Attorney, Marcus had faced thousands of heartbreaking cases and he had always been able to handle it, to deal with his emotions, to keep a cool head but nothing had never prepared him for this. To watch how the woman he loved having no recollection of their love. It was like being stabbed right in the heart over and over. The way she had looked at him with hate and distrust was terribly painful. For more than a year, Abby had become his rock, his breath of fresh air in his suffocating life, the light which had dispersed all of his darkness. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t do all of this without her.

Nonetheless, this wasn’t the time to wallow in self-pity, he needed to collect himself and call both of their jobs. He took a few more seconds, inhaled deeply and then walked towards his desk. He started to look for his telephone book, but his gaze landed on one of the pictures in front of him and his heart broke a little bit more.

Taking the frame in his hand, Marcus let himself fall heavily in his chair. With his lips pressed together in a sad smile, he let his  thumb brush softly against Abby’s face. It was his favorite picture of her. He loved the way she was smiling at him in the morning light, both mischievously and shyly at the same time, wearing nothing else than a thin black robe over her naked body.

He could still perfectly remember the day he took this picture. It was the morning he would never be able to forget. It was their first morning together, the morning after the first time he got to taste her skin with his tongue, or how he got to savour the wetness of her desire. He still remembers how his fingers had wandered along the graceful curve of her glorious body, how they skimmed across the skin from the crook of her neck downwards, only to linger around her breasts, before continuing their descent towards the junction between her thighs. He could still hear those beautiful and erotic sounds that had escaped her plump lips, driving him crazy with need.

This picture of her was his favorite because it was full of wonderful and intimate memories. He could still hear her objections when he had taken the camera and took her picture. Or the way she laughed as he had crept closer, leaning forward to press a soft kiss against the swell of her breast, causing her to let out a gasp, especially when his hand had started to run along her naked legs, higher, higher and higher…

The ringing of his phone startled him out of his reverie. Putting the frame down, he  pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes when he saw Callie’s name appear on the screen. Callie Cartwig was Abby’s best friend and she never called him so Marcus was sure that Jackson had already informed the woman of what had happened to Abby.

His relationship with Callie was better than the one he had with Jackson but still, he wouldn’t call it good. To be honest, he couldn’t really blame them. He still felt guilty about Jake’s execution and about Abby’s trial, even though Abby had seemed to be the only one who had managed to forgive him, which even till this day baffled him.

“ _Callie, hi,_ ” he said as he picked up the phone.

“ _Hi, Kane. I’m sorry to disturb_ _you, but_ _I…, Jackson called me, he told me about Abby,_ ” Callie said in a sheepish tone.

“ _Yeah, I figured,_ ” he told her with a pinched smile.

He wasn’t mad at the young doctor, he knew Jackson only wanted to protect Abby, but still, Marcus couldn’t help but feel sad that people still believed that he was unable to take care of her.

“ _Yes, well, I just wanted to know if you needed any help or something,_ ” she offered tentatively.

“ _Honestly, I_ _don’t know_ ,” he confessed in a breath, rubbing his temple. “ _She_ _seems_ _to be fine for now,_ ” he said before wincing at the stupidity of his statement. _“I mean, besides her amnesia_ ,” he added, the last word feeling like a scorching ember on his tongue. “ _Maybe it would be good if you could stop by tomorrow? After work?_ ” he asked her for, thinking that her presence could be helpful for Abby’s memory.

“ _Yes, of course_ ,” Callie accepted without a second thought.

“ _Great, thanks,_ ” he said gratefully. She didn’t speak again and he had the feeling that she hadn’t said everything she wanted. “ _There’s something else?_ ” he inquired, frowning.

“ _Well, yes,_ ” she said before sighing softly. “ _The Mount Weather company called_ ,” she informed him and stopped a second. Marcus could sense her uneasiness about the statement, even though he had no idea as to why. The name of the company sounded familiar to him, but he couldn’t remember why. “ _They said they have a reception room available for the wedding,_ ” she finally explained and Marcus felt his heart skip a beat.

“ _Oh,_ ” that was all he managed to say.

In six months, Abby was supposed to become his wife, but with how things were looking at the moment, a wedding sounded out of the question.

“ _Do you want me to tell them we need to think about it?_ ” she offered, but he wasn’t really listening to her anymore. His gaze had landed again on the picture in front of him and the only thing he could think about right now was that the dream he was living was shattering and that he couldn’t do anything about it.

“ _Kane? You still here?_ ” Callie’s voice resonated in the phone.

“ _Sorry, yes,_ ” he said, shaking his head to chase away his painful thoughts. “ _Yes, tell them that,_ ” he told her with a lump in his throat.

“ _You know, I’m sure everything_ _going to_ _be alright,_ ” Callie tried to comfort him but it sounded like false hope.

“ _Yes, thank you, Callie_ ,” he answered her anyway, trying to not sound bitter. “See you tomorrow, bye,” he said goodbye before hanging up the phone, his eyes wet with tears.

When he left his office around one hour later, his gaze was caught by a familiar figure in the middle of the living room. He stopped in the doorway and leaned against the wall, watching her quietly. She was wearing a tank top and pants, both white, her shoulders covered by a grey cardigan. Her hair was still slightly damp and clearly, she hadn’t brushed it. Her caramel strands curled naturally around her face and fell over her shoulders, the tips teasing the edge of her cleavage.

Only yesterday he could have walked discretely towards her, grab her by the hips and ravage the back of her neck with kisses without a second thought. She would have laughed and chided him for being so eager in the middle of the day, but at the end she would have leaned against him and probably grasped the back of his head, encouraging him to keep up his ministrations. He swallowed hard at the thought and struggled to push it away.

“Hi,” he said softly after a few second, making her jump a little.

“ _Oh, sorry_ _I…, I didn’t hear you come in,_ ” she said as she turned around. “ _I was just…,_ ” she started to say letting her sentence trail off by pointing out the pictures on the wall with a wave of her hand.

“ _I promise, I have nothing to do with this. That’s all on the kids,_ ” he tried to joke, but the way she frowned made him realize he had failed.

“ _You…don’t like them?_ ” she inquired visibly embarrassed.

“ _No– I mean, yes,_ ” he hurried to correct himself. “ _Yes, I like them, but it just…_ _You know, camera doesn’t like me,_ ” he shrugged with a shy smile at the corner of his lips.

Abby turned her head to look at the picture again and stared at it for a few second before shaking her head.

“ _I like this one,_ ” she stated, showing the one where he was alone.

Marcus felt his heart clench slightly in his chest.

“ _I know,_ ” he breathed with a sad smile. Of course, he knew. He knew it all too well because each time he had suggested removing this picture her answer had been a definitive no or a her throwing him a glare.

Abby looked down while nervously pulling away a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“ _We look happy,_ ” she spoke again after a few second, breaking the heavy silence which was settling.

“ _That’s probably because we are, or I hope so. Even if it’s not easy every day,_ ” he told her, taking several steps closer to her but stopping at a reasonable distance.

Even if he didn’t invade her personal space, she took a step backward anyway, closing protectively her arms around her tiny frame. Marcus tilted slightly his head, scanning her face, trying to read her thoughts.

“ _You’ll remember,_ ” he assured her tentatively, doing his best to sound self-confident even if he was internally scared to death.

Abby let out a deep sigh and shook her head in annoyance.

“ _I…I know_ _that it sounds_ _crazy, but–_ ,” she said, running her hand through her hair. “ _I don’t know how, I don’t know_ _why, but I_ _don’t belong to this world, I’m not this woman on the pictures,_ ”  she asserted as she became agitated.  " _Even if we look the same, I know that’s not me_ ,“ she assured, her voice starting to shake with emotion and a bit of anger.

” _Abby,_ “ he breathed out with sadness, reaching for her arm, but once again she pushed him away.

” _Don’t,_ “ she hissed without looking at him, pressing her arm tight against her chest.

That was when he noticed it. The ring wasn’t there anymore. The ring he had put upon her finger during their last vacation at the holiday home of his childhood friends Pike and Indra. The ring she excitedly accepted by jumping into his arms right in front of everyone before whispering yes over and over in the crook of his neck.

She must have noticed where his gaze landed because she immediately lowered her right arm.

” _I’m not her_ ,“ she whispered, her tone navigating between annoyance and apologetic.

Marcus opened his mouth to say something, _anything,_ but no words came. He was speechless. He couldn’t think. All he could do was feel the pain course through his veins, crushing his heart.

Sudden bursts of laughter resonated loudly in the hall as the door burst open. Marcus turned around just in time to see Octavia and Jasper Jordan appearing in the doorway.

” _Whoa, who’s dead?_ “ the girl exclaimed, completely oblivious to the tension that filled the room.

” _Hi, Mrs._ _Griffin! Hi_ _Mr. Kane_ ,“ Jasper greeted them happily from behind her.

Marcus felt his blood run cold as his eyebrows drew together angrily.

” _Didn’t you check your phone? I tried to reach you all day_ ,“ he scolded.

” _Well,_ “ the teenage girl started to say before sharing a conspiratorial look with her friend and chuckling once more. ” _I might have lost it,_ “ she explained, pressing her lips together to prevent a new laugh.

” _Lost it?_ “ Marcus echoed in disbelief.

” _It’s_ _a pretty fun story if you ask me_ ,“ Jasper commented with a grin.

” _I didn’t ask for your advice Mr. Jordan,_ “ Marcus retorted dryly, glowering at him.

” _Hey, take it easy,_ _it’s_ _just a phone,_ “ Octavia snapped impudently.

Marcus’ jaw clenched and he gave her a dirty look. He didn’t have time for this, not when Abby was losing her memories.

” _Mr. Jordan, if you wouldn’t mind, we need family time,_ “ he stated without looking at the boy but keeping to stare furiously at Octavia.

"Family,” the girl snorted, rolling her eyes.

“ _Oh_ _yeah, but…We_ _were supposed to work on a-_ -,” Jasper started to object but the way Marcus glared at him shut him off “ _Okay, I…I leave you alone. See you tomorrow Octavia_ ,” he hurried to say, giving the girl a slight nudge. “ _Bye Mr. Kane. Bye Mrs. Griffin,_ ” he added before leaving the house.

Octavia didn’t waste any time and turned around, clearly intending to sneak off.

“ _Not so fast,_ ” Marcus thundered.

“ _What?_ ” the girl sighed loudly, throwing her head back in an annoyed movement.

“ _We…,_ ” he started to say, but stopped to look at Abby from the corner of his eyes. She was looking at her feet, her hand subconsciously looking for the ring which used to be around her neck.  " _Come with me. We need to talk,_ “ he finally told the girl, showing her the kitchen by a little move of his head.


	4. Chapter 4

Abby had spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, safe from Kane’s wounded look. She had been sitting next to the window for hours, staring into the distance and thinking again that there had to be a logical explanation she still hadn’t discovered.

For almost her entire life, she had been dreaming about being on Earth. Her parents had told her stories about a world made out of shades of green and blue, a world with a sun and where rain fell from the sky. During her years as a child all those stories had sounded like a fairy tale or a dream, but as she grew up she realized that she would never live on Earth, neither would all the people she knew. All of them and the next two generations would remain stuck in space and they would never experience the warmth of sunlight only the coldness from living in space. Yet, inexplicably, here she was, as she looked at a squirrel running on the lawn, feeling the sunlight stroking her skin through the window and smelling the scent of an October evening. This was insane, totally insane.

When the sun started to go down, Clarke had come to tell her that the dinner was ready. At first, Abby had said she wasn’t hungry, but the rumbling of her stomach had betrayed her and her daughter had practically dragged her downstairs.

That was the only reason why she was now sitting at the kitchen table, facing Kane and between Clarke and Bellamy. From the corner of her eyes, she could see Octavia staring strangely at her between two mouthfuls. A heavy silence was lingering over the room and only the sound of the cutlery resonated from time to time.  

“ _This is really delicious_ _,_ ” Bellamy said tentatively after a while, shifting slightly in embarrassment on his chair.

“ _Yes, it is,_ ” Clarke agreed with an exaggerated nod. “ _Do you like it mom?_ ” she asked and Abby swallowed hard at the sight of her almost untouched plate.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like it, but all these new flavors and textures on her tongue were really strange.

“ _Yes,_ ” she replied nonetheless before taking another bite.

Kane was now staring at her with a blank expression. As their eyes met he lowered his gaze and cleared his throat.

“ _You like salmon,_ ” he started to say and for a second she thought he was blaming her, but he kept talking. “ _Preferably with white_ _wine, but we finished_ _the last bottle last week. You always drink_ _two glasses, one during dinner and one when we’re doing the dishes.”_ he told her calmly while staring at his plate. ” _I used to_ _garnish the salmon_ _with_ _fennel, but even though you never said anything I knew you didn’t really like it so I started to use chives_ _,_ “ he kept explaining before looking up at her with a shy smile on his face.  

Abby felt her stomach clench a little without knowing why. Clearly, this man, kind and cute, couldn’t be the Kane she was fighting every day on the Ark. He looked exactly like him, except for the beard, but he didn’t act like the cold and strict man who had arrested both her husband and daughter.

She pursed her lips and gave him a little nod. In a way, she suddenly felt sorry for him. She wasn’t the woman he thought she was and no matter how hard he tried to bring back her memories, she knew it would never happen. The memories he was talking about had never existed in her mind. The only ones who were engraved in her memory were made of space, loss, and pain.

” _You also like to drag us to the marketplace early in the Sunday morning, but if you have forgotten_ _that as well,_ _I won’t be complaining,_ “ Octavia said abruptly which won her a glare from Kane.  

Bellamy and Clarke seemed to freeze, their fork hanging in front of their mouth. Everybody seemed to wait for her reaction. It could have been inappropriate, joking about amnesia wasn’t the best kind of joke, but Abby felt her lips stretching up in a smile.  

” _Duly noted. No more marketplace_ _on_ _Sunday morning,_ “ she finally answered with a chuckle and everybody seemed to relax.

Octavia smiled at her and then turned her head toward Kane, giving him a look which sounded like a cheeky ” _See?_ “ The latter slightly shook his head in annoyance and went back to eating.

The rest of the dinner went better after that. The kids talked about their day and the coming week. The girls teased Bellamy about his ” _just-an-insufferable-police academy-partner_ “, a girl named Echo and in return, the boy snitched on Octavia and stated that she was texting a guy named Lincoln which made Kane frown. Abby didn’t know who he was, but she understood that he was older than the teenage girl and already in college.

” _Okay, I don’t have the strength to deal with that tonight,_ “ Kane breathed out as the kids left the kitchen in a barrage of insults.

Abby chuckled a little and started to clear the table. Without the kids, the atmosphere seemed to become tense once more.

” _You should go to bed, I got this,_ “ Kane told her softly, reaching for the glasses she was holding.

” _No, it’s okay,_ “ she declined with a little smile before walking toward the sink and turning on the water.

” _We have a dishwasher,_ “ he informed her almost in an apologetic tone, opening the door of the machine next to him.

” _Oh, well…,_ “ she breathed, taking back the glasses from the sink.

” _You could pass me the dishes and I’ll put them inside?_ “ he proposed and she agreed with a nod.

They started to load the dishwasher silently and Abby felt a question suddenly burn her tongue. She didn’t want to inquire about things the other her was supposed to know, she didn’t want to see the pain taking place once again on Kane’s face, but the curiosity was too strong.

” _Who are they for you? I mean Octavia and Bellamy?_ “ she asked him and she saw him freeze, still bent over the door of the machine.

On her reality, she knew who they were: the Blake sibling. Octavia was the girl who had hidden herself for sixteen years under the floor and Bellamy was the one who had tried to kill Jaha. Their mother had been executed for having had a second child and they both had landed on the earth. Nonetheless, clear beyond recollection, Abby didn’t remember any link with Kane.

The latter stood up and leaned against the counter, staring into space.

” _I’m Octavia’s father,_ “ he answered after several seconds. ” _Bellamy is her half-brother,_ “ he added still without looking at her.

He broke off momentarily and turned around to open a cupboard. ” _Sixteen years ago I met a woman at a law convention in New York,_ “ he kept telling her, taking out a bottle of brown alcohol. _Cognac_ , Abby read on the label as Kane filled a glass. ” _She was the barmaid. I flirted with her and then we ended up in my room,_ “ he said, shrugging lightly. ” _She left while I was showering. I didn’t know who she was and to be_ _honest, I_ _didn’t care at that time, it was just a_ _one-night stand_ ,“ he confessed before taking a sip of alcohol and winced slightly. ” _In June 2016 I received a letter from a law firm, I was convened for a will opening,_ “ he kept going, his face darkening. ” _I found out that this girl was named Aurora Blake and that she had two children,_ _and that one of them was biologically mine_ ,“ he said and finished his glass in one go. ” _She died of liver cancer and named me legal representative of Octavia,_ “ he said, putting down the glass on the counter.

Abby remained speechless. Clearly, she hadn’t expected something like this. She would have wanted to say something kind or comforting, but she was too stunned. All she could do was point at the bottle.

” _Can I have some?_ “ she asked, her throat suddenly dry.

If she thought that this world was already crazy, imagining Marcus Kane as a father was even crazier.

” _I…I don’t think it’s a good idea,_ “ he told her before pressing his lips together in an embarrassed smile.

” _Probably_ _not, but_ _still…Can I have some?_ ,“ she insisted.

Kane stared at her a few more second and then surrendered. He let out a deep sigh and grabbed a second glass to fill it.

” _Just so you know_ _, you don’t like it_ ,“ he informed her with a grin as he handed her the drink.

” _Let me judge of that,_ “ she retorted with a hint of defiance in her voice as she took the glass.

She brought the amber liquid closer to her nose and smelled it. It wasn’t bad. Well, how could it be worse than the moonshine they had drunk on the Ark anyway? She took one last look at Kane and cursed him quietly because of that irritating smirk which was tugging at his lips. The same which was plastered on his face each time he was ready to prove her wrong during a council meeting.

She put it to her lips and took a sip. It wasn’t a hard alcohol, far from it compared to the moonshine, but still, she couldn’t help but wince with disgust. The taste was nauseating and seemed to stick on her tongue. She swallowed it anyway, but failed to hold back a shudder.

” _So…?_ “ Kane mocked her, raising an eyebrow.

” _Shut up,_ “ she retorted, rolling her eyes, but with a tiny smile at the corner of her lips.

He smiled at her back and reached for her glass. Very naturally he brought it to his lips and drank. Abby stared at him, thinking that this was something that Jake used to do too. Drinking from each other’s glass was such a couples thing that she couldn’t help but felt a little ill-at-ease.

” _I have some work to do_ _tonight, but_ _I can go get what I need for the night right now in the bedroom if you want to go to bed,_ “ he offered her as he put the empty glass in the dishwasher. ” _I’m_ _going to_ _move in_ _to_ _the guest room,“_ he informed her and even if he tried to say it on a neutral tone she noticed a hint of sadness in his voice.

She looked down and nodded as a wave of guilt washed over her. She could feel how hard it was for him, how miserable the situation made him, but there was nothing she could do about it. This Marcus seemed to be a good man and he didn’t deserve what was happening, but still, she wasn’t who he thought she was.

” _I can take the guest room as well,_ “ she offered shyly but he immediately shook his head.

” _No way. You need to rest and the mattress is a piece of crap,_ “ he objected firmly. ” _To be honest, I think it’s the only reason why Raven doesn’t live there,_ “ he added jokingly, but Abby didn’t get the joke and raised an eyebrow. ” _She’s Bellamy ex-girlfriend. They were dating when I met him and Octavia,_ “ he explained. ” _She’s been through a lot_ _too, and_ _well… Even if they broke up I can almost say that we have adopted her too,_ “ he said and then chuckled slightly.

” _I didn’t know you have a spot for children,_ “ she commented, but realized too late that she wasn’t speaking about him, but about the other him. ” _Sorry, I shouldn’t have…,_ “ she hurried to apologize, not wanting to bring back the subject he wasn’t ready to hear.

” _Who am I?_ “ he asked her suddenly before shaking his head. ” _I mean, in the…world or whatever it is you think you remember?_ “ he specified, rubbing nervously the back of his neck.

Abby swallowed hard and looked away. She didn’t want to answer that question. She didn’t want to hurt him more than she already had today. What could she say anyway? ” _You are the man who asked for my_ _husband’s_ _execution? Who came to arrest my daughter? A heartless man I hate so much that every time I look at you I desperately want to punch you in the face?_ “ Telling him this wouldn’t help and in a way, she wasn’t even sure that it was still the truth. She was mad at him. Yes, she was really mad at him, but did she truly hate him? In the end, things were never as simple.

” _It doesn’t matter,_ “ she replied, trying to dodge the question.  

” _Did he– did I hurt you?_ “ he inquired, his voice shaking slightly as he took a step toward her.

He reached for her arm and this time she didn’t pull back. She looked up at him and the look on his face, hurt and concern, made her heart clench in her chest.

” _No,_ “ she sighed. ” _No, it’s just that…that we have a complicated story that’s all,_ “ she told him, offering him a shy smile to reassure him.

Kane took a deep breath and nod. He didn’t seem convinced and his hand remained on her arm. Her gaze fell upon it and she pressed her lips together. She didn’t want to push him back, but this kind of touch from him made her still feel uncomfortable.

” _Sorry,_ “ he mumbled, taking his hand away, probably alerted by the embarrassment on her face.

A heavy silence fell once more upon them.

” _You were saying that you needed to take some stuff in the bedroom,_ “ she reminded him to change the subject.

” _Yes. Yes, that’s right. Let’s do that,_ “ he said before hurrying to leave the kitchen. 

 

About one hour and thirty minutes later she was back where she had woken up that very morning. She was lying on her back in the best bed she had ever had but she couldn’t sleep. She was staring at the ceiling, her eyes wide-opened, her fingers tensing on the sheets. She could feel the fatigue creeping into every muscle of her body, the day had been exhausting, but she couldn’t sleep a wink. Not when she didn’t feel at home. Not when Kane’s scent filled the pillow next to hers. Not when she was unable to find a rational explanation for the world she was currently living in.

A wave of anger and despair swept over her and for no reason, she grabbed Kane’s pillow and threw it away violently. She didn’t want this life, she didn’t want to be stuck there forever. Even if the life on the Ark wasn’t easy, it was her life, it was all she ever knew. Clarke, her Clarke, was still out somewhere, maybe in danger and now it was much more than space which separated them.

Abby turned on her side and curled up under the sheets, tears starting to run along her cheeks. She wasn’t crazy and to prove that to herself, she started to think about her oldest memories. She could perfectly remember the softness of her mother, Iris Walters when she was braiding her hair before school. She could still picture her long and coppery red ponytail swinging in the air as she laughed at one of her husband’s joke. Aloïs Walters was known to be the best doctor of the Ark, but he was also famous for his jokes. He always knew how to put a smile on his patients’ face. But unfortunately, his sense of humor hadn’t been able to save him or his wife. Iris and Aloïs Walters had been sentenced to be floated when Abby was sixteen.  They had been convicted of embezzlement of medical supplies. They hadn’t even tried to deny it, arguing that the non-essentials workers also had the right to seek medical attention. This life was real, it couldn’t be otherwise not when she could still feel the pain it had left in her heart. The picture of them, hand in hand, standing in the airlock still haunted her, just like the picture of Jake, standing in the same place twenty years later. Everything was real, the good and the bad. Her scars didn’t need to be visible to exist. They were there, branded into her heart and soul.

Abby remained awake for hours, her whole body shaking with sobs. She was so focused on her pain that she didn’t hear the quiet knock at her door.

” _Abby?_ “ a soft voice called out to her in the dark as the door opened.

Abby froze in place and held back her tears. She feigned sleep, hoping it would make the intruder go away, but it didn’t work.

” _Abby, are_ _you okay? I heard you_ _crying_ _,_ “ Octavia insisted as she took a few steps inside the bedroom.

” _I’m fine,_ “ Abby answered, pulling the covers over her head to muffle her curbed sobs.

” _Yeah,_ w _ell, you don’t look like it,_ “ the girl said. ” _Do you want me to get Kane?_ “ she asked tentatively.

” _No,“_ Abby exclaimed as she sat up curtly. No, she didn’t need Kane nor anybody else. All she needed was to fall asleep and to wake up on the Ark, to get back her real life. ” _No, it’s_ _n–,_ “ she started to refuse again, but she cut herself off when she noticed Octavia’s outfit in the moonlight. She was wearing a leather jacket over a little blue top which didn’t hide the lower part of her stomach. Her pair of low waisted jeans were kept in place by a belt and her face was covered with makeup. ” _Wait, why aren’t you sleeping?_ “ she asked suspiciously, her maternal instinct taking over her self-pity.  

Octavia immediately bowed her head and ran a hand through her hair.

” _I…I was just…,_ “ she stammered. ” _I was going to the kitchen. I needed a glass of water,_ “ she finally asserted, falsely confident.

” _And you needed to change for that?_ “ Abby asked her, raising an accusatory eyebrow.

The teenage girl stared at her for a second and then let out a deep sigh.

” _Well, okay, okay, you got me,_ “ she said, raising both of her hands in front of her as a sign of surrender.

Abby tilted her head and pursed her lips.

” _Does your father know that you sneak out?_ “ she asked severely.

” _He’s not my father,_ “ the girl spat sharply without wasting a split second.

” _Well, he says he is,_ “ Abby told her, guessing that the teenage girl might have difficulty with accepting her new life.

” _The fact that he banged my mother sixteen years ago doesn’t make him my father,_ “ Octavia retorted bitterly with a hint of defiance in her eyes.

Abby choked a little, surprised by such coarseness coming from a so tiny girl. She opened her mouth, ready to reprimand her, but the sound of a car stopping in front of the house drew her attention.  She pushed the covers back and get up from the bed to walk toward the window.

” _I guess_ _that those are your friends_ _,_ “ she said as she glanced at the two people in the car.

Octavia crossed her arms over her torso and rolled her eyes.

” _I need to go tell them_ _that I’m not coming along_ _tonight,_ “ she mumbled as she turned around.

” _No need,_ “ Abby snapped. ” _I’m sure they’re smart enough to figure it out_ _on their own when you won’t show up_ _,_ “ she added with a pinched smile.

Octavia gave her a dirty look over her shoulder and then left the room, still muttering.

Abby looked back at the car in front of the house and listened carefully, wondering if Octavia would go back to her room. The stairs were close to her room, but she wasn’t sure that she would hear the footstep so she sat on the edge near the window and stared at the car. Abby leaned against the wall behind her and kept watching through the window even after that the car had left the area. There was no way Octavia was sneaking out tonight, not on her watch.

Abby stayed awake most of the night, but after a couple of hours, her fatigue got the better of her and as her head slumped against her shoulder, sleep finally overtook her.


	5. Chapter 5

When she opened her eyes the next morning, Abby sighed deeply. She was still there, stuck in this crazy world which wasn’t hers and furthermore, her neck and back were sore. She had slept next to the window all night long, her head resting uncomfortably on her shoulder.

Outside, the sun had already risen. Some people were jogging or walking their dog in the street and it reminded her the old Tv shows she used to watch with Callie when they were younger. Looking through the window was like stepping into the past, a past she had never known and which was supposed to be over for good.

Abby leaned back against the wall behind her and closed her eyes. Would she be stuck here forever? In a world she knew nothing about? In a life which wasn’t hers? She felt tears well up in her eyes and she cursed herself for being so sensitive. Crying wouldn’t help, wouldn’t send her back to _ **her**_ world, to _ **her**_ Clarke.

Suddenly, she heard noises coming from the first floor. Everybody else was probably already up. For a second she was tempted to stay there, feeling sorry for herself all day until she’d find an explanation but that was unlikely and she knew it. Reluctantly, she stretched her muscles and got up.

She walked towards the wardrobe and her gaze fell inadvertently on the wedding ring which was placed on the dresser.  She stared at it, feeling slightly troubled. For a second, she was tempted to touch it. She started to reach out, but at the last moment, she withdrew her hand.  " _I’m not her,_ “ she told herself silently, pushing away the doubt which was insidiously creeping inside her.

Looking away, Abby grabbed the white robe which was hanging on the wardrobe door and put it over her pajama.

 

” _Hi mom,_ “ Clarke greeted her as she walked into the kitchen.

” _Hi,_ “ Bellamy and Octavia echoed, the latter seemed to try hiding behind her cup of latte.

” _Hi_ ,“ Kane said and the way he was staring at her made her guess that he was hoping that her loss of memory had passed. But it hadn’t, she was still Abigail Griffin a citizen of the Ark and she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

” _Hi,_ “ Abby answered with a dull little smile at the corner of her mouth as she wrapped her arms around her torso.

The flash of hope in Kane’s gaze faded away and she saw him turning away abruptly. She guessed that he wanted to hide his disappointment.  

” _Did you sleep well?_ “ he asked her anyway, as he filled a cup with coffee, his back to her.

From the corner of her eyes, Abby saw Octavia shrivel up on her chair, obviously very focused on her cup.

” _Yes,_ “ she lied as he turned around to handle her the cup. ” _Thank you,_ “ she added, taking the cup before sitting on the chair next to Clarke.

” _I need to go,_ “ Octavia exclaimed suddenly as she almost jumped off her chair.

” _But, I don’t have finished my breakfast,_ “ Clarke jabbered, her mouth filled with scrambled egg.

” _Don’t worry, I’ll take the bus,_ “ Octavia said in a rush, grabbing her backpack. ” _I’ve something to do with Jasper before first class,_ “ she explained before kissing briefly her brother’s cheek.

Bellamy and Clarke shared a look and then rolled their eyes.

” _Octavia wait! You can take my old mobile if you want,_ “ Kane offered her as she stepped out the room.

” _Hell no. I’d rather die, it’s an antique,_ “ Octavia’s voice resonated in the hall followed by the sound of the door.

Kane pressed his lips together and leaned against the counter.

” _I’ll go buy her a new one this afternoon,_ “ he declared before taking a sip of coffee.

Once again, Abby noticed the two teenagers sharing a look.

” _You don’t need to be so conciliatory with her, you know,_ “ Bellamy told Kane as he got up from his chair. ” _I know my sister, she’s playing with you,_ “ he added as he put his coffee mug in the sink.

Kane looked up at him and frowned.

” _I want to be able to reach her when she’s_ _outside,_ “ he explained, clenching his jaw.

” _Bellamy’s right,_ “ Clarke declared. ” _She’s going through a hard_ _time, but_ _she shouldn’t be allowed to do whatever she wants,_ “ she said seriously.

Kane stared at the girl for a few seconds, obviously considering her words and then nodded briefly.

” _I know_ ,“ he agreed with a sigh. ” _But I don’t want to give her more reason to hate me,_ “ he confessed, shrugging.

” _She doesn’t hate you,_ “ Bellamy objected. ” _She’s just angry at the entire world, it’ll pass_ ,“ he reassured him with a soft smile.

” _I hope so,_ “ Kane said, pressing his lips together.

After that, everybody remained quiet. Bellamy left for the police academy around five minutes later, quickly followed by Clarke, who still took the time to hug her mother. When she found herself alone with Kane, Abby kept her gaze fixed on her cup, wondering if she should mention the incident with Octavia. In a way, it wasn’t her business, it wasn’t her family after all but at the same time, the altruistic part of herself couldn’t help but want to help them anyway.

” _I need to tell you something,_ “ she finally spoke after several minutes.

Immediately, Kane looked up at her, concern written all over his face.

” _You feel bad?_ “ he asked her in a rush, taking a step toward her.  

” _No, no,_ “ she reassured him, shaking her head. ” _It’s not about me, it’s about Octavia,_ “ she explained, putting her cup on the table.

” _Did she_ _say_ _something to upset you?_ “ he asked frowning.

Abby shook her head once again and sighed softly.

” _She tried to sneak out last night,_ “ she informed him, gravely. ” _Two people were waiting for her in a car in front of the house,_ “.

” _Damn,_ “ Kane cursed, rubbing his forehead.

” _I sent her back to her_ _room, but_ _I think that_ _sooner or later she’s going to try it again_ _,_ “ she added, pressing her lips together in an embarrassed smile.

_"I don’t know what to do about her,_ ” Kane sighed after several seconds of silence. “ _I’m not good at this… Being a father… It’s beyond my capacity,_ ” he said and she noticed a hint of self-anger and sadness in his voice.

Kane wasn’t looking at her anymore. He was staring into space, his fingers clenching around the edge of the counter on both sides of his body. Abby knew exactly how he was feeling right now, being pushed away by her kid was something painfully familiar to her. “ _Dad’s dead because of you. You turned him in. I know it,_ ” she heard Clarke’s voice resonating inside her head and her heart tightened in her chest.

Without really thinking, she got up from her chair and took a few steps toward Kane.

“ _How old is she?_ ” she asked him as she stopped before him.

“ _Sixteen_ ,” he said, his eyes still fixed on his shoes.

“ _Sixteen, well, that’s a crazy age, especially for a kid who just lost her mother,_ ” she pointed out in a gentle, friendly voice. “ _Don’t be_ _so hard on_ _yourself Marcus,_ ” his name slipped out from her lips naturally as she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “ _She’s wild, impulsive, angry at the entire world…_ _Trust me, she simply needs_ _time. You two will_ _get_ _through this, I’m sure of it,_ ” she kept going and he suddenly looked up at her and frowned. “ _What?_ ” she wondered, as she slightly tilted her head to the side.

Kane opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but he remained quiet. He simply kept his eyes locked on her while gently covering her hand with one of his own.

“ _You say…,_ ” he whispered before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

He looked upset, maybe even hurt and she wondered if she had said something wrong again. She tried to pull her hand out from under his, but he prevented her from doing so by tightening his grip. His eyes flew open, revealing a glimmer of hope inside of them.

“ _You say that you aren’t the woman in the_ _pictures, that you’re not_ _ **my**_ _Abby, but_ _…those words… She said exactly the same ones to me not so long ago,_ ” he told her as he took a step toward her, his hand slowly reaching for her face.

“ _Kane…,_ ” she sighed, shaking her head as she moved back, her hand leaving his shoulder.

“ _No, please don’t–,_ ” he breathed out with a painful wince. “ _Please, stop calling me like that,_ ” he pleaded her, shaking his head.

Abby swallowed hard, unable to remain aloof when faced with the pain on his face. She suddenly felt an odd wave of guilt wash over her. She didn’t mean to hurt him, but she couldn’t help but feel bad about it. This Kane. This Marcus was clearly a good man and he didn’t deserve any of it.

“ _Okay,_ ” she breathed out. “ _Okay, Marcus,_ ” she said, her eyes searching for his.  

“ _Thank you,_ ” he murmured with a heartbreaking grateful look. “ _Thank you…,_ ”.

 

The rest of the day went quite well. Marcus didn’t try to convince her once more that she had lost her memory and the conversation remained in a safe area. He offered her to come with him to do shopping but she politely declined, unsure if she was ready to deal with the outside world. This house didn’t feel like home, but at least it felt like a safe place.

Once Marcus was gone, Abby took advantage of her solitude to take a shower. This time, she enjoyed the hot water sliding along her naked body a little bit longer than the first time. In a way, it still felt wrong to waste drinkable water like this, but it also felt good and relaxing.

When she was finally all clean and dry, she rummaged about in the wardrobe. All the clothes, new and smelling like flowers, were more beautiful than the others. She liked the blouses, especially the black one, almost transparent and as light as air. Her mouth fell open as her eyes landed on a wonderful red dress and a pair of matching shoes. The heels were so high that she wondered how someone could be able to walk with that……so naturally she tried them on.

For the next hour she tried on more than a dozen of different outfits.

She was just about to take off her last outfit, when someone knocked on the door. She automatically glanced around the room in horror. The floor was drowned under a mass of scattered clothes.

“ _Abby, can I come in?_ ” Marcus asked while being on the other side of the door.

“ _Hum, yes, yes I just…,_ ” she stammered as she hurried to get down on her knees, trying to pick up all of the clothes.

“ _Wow,_ ” Marcus exclaimed as he opened the door. “ _Were we robbed?_ ” he asked playfully with a smirk.

“ _I–, No…I was just… Uggh, I’m sorry,_ ” she said as she moved her arms up and down helplessly.

“ _I_ _didn’t_ _think I_ _would_ _need to tell you to clean your room, young lady,_ ” Marcus mocked her and for the first time since she woke up in this crazy world, a genuine laugh passed her lips.

“ _No, Sir._ _That_ _won’t be necessary,”_ she played along, smirking.

This time, it was his turn to laugh.

“ _Good,_ ” Marcus said with a nod.

“ _Does that mean that you won’t lend a hand?_ ” she asked, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“ _You did this all by yourself, why should I?_ ” he retorted with a slightly irritating grin on his face.

Abby tilted her head a little and stared at him. In fact, there was a little part of the Kane she knew in the man in front of her. The Kane she used to know before Jake’s execution. The one who was able to make a dinner organized by Thelonius less boring, all thanks to his sarcastic comments.

She suddenly realized that she had forgotten that Marcus Kane could be funny sometimes, not the way people used to be, but with his personal sense of humor, a provocative, lively and sharp humor.

“ _What a gentleman_ ,” she snorted, rolling her eyes before starting to pick up the clothes again.

She felt his eyes on her for a few seconds and then she saw him kneel next to her. She gave him a sidelong look and a victorious smile tugged at her lips. They both refolded the clothes silently and then put them back in the closet.

“ _Faster with two,_ ” Abby pointed out teasingly and Marcus smiled at her.

“ _Those clothes suit_ _you,_ ” he told her unexpectedly and the way he was looking at her made her look away, slightly ill-at-ease and, this time, not in the wrong way.

“ _Thanks_ ,” she said shyly as she nervously smoothed her skirt.

She was wearing a polka dot blouse, white and black, tied up with a bow just above her shoulder blades. Her skirt was blue, the hem brushing against the top of her knees and kept in place around her tiny waist by a brown belt.

“ _I should change,_ ” she suggested after a few seconds of embarrassing silence.

“ _Why?_ ” Marcus asked in a breath and only a deaf person would have missed the disappointment in his tone. “ _I mean, it’s a beautiful day out, it’s a perfect outfit to enjoy it,_ ” he corrected himself, the sound of his voice more measured.

If she would have wondered once if Marcus Kane could be cute, then she had her answer now. He was rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous manner, rocking on his feet like a smitten teenager, a shy smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

She stared at him for a second and then turned her head to look at herself in the mirror. She let her eyes slide on her reflection and suddenly, for the first time since what felt like an eternity, she felt beautiful. Even better, she felt attractive and not just because of the clothes… In the mirror, she could also glimpse his gaze on her. A gaze which was supposed to be intended for the woman he loved, but, nonetheless, it made her slightly shudder anyway.

_“Okay,_ ” she agreed, looking up at him in the mirror. “ _Okay…,”_ she said again in a breath, her heart beating a little bit faster.

 

Callie arrived in the late afternoon. Abby was sitting on a cozy garden swing, hanging under a majestic tree. She had spent the day there, reading books she had found in the nightstand of her bedroom and enjoying the little pleasure of feeling the sun on her face and breathing real air. Marcus had kept a low profile, spending almost the entire day inside of  his office, only coming out of the house to bring her a cup of tea and some vanilla cake.

“ _Hi honey,_ ” the brunette greeted her with a warm smile.

“ _Callie,_ ” Abby exclaimed gladly as she saw her, jumping off to her feet to hug her.

Even if she was sure that her friend was in the same state of mind than everybody else, for now, Abby felt relieved to see her. Yes, Callie was probably thinking that she was sick as well, but she might be able to convince her that she wasn’t crazy or amnesiac. At least, she had to try.

“ _How are you?_ ” Callie asked her as she pulled away from her embrace, grabbing her hand in both of hers.

“ _I…I’m fine_ ” Abby answered, faking a smile.

Callie nodded and fondly tucked a strand of her hair behind Abby’s ear.

“ _Kane told me about your memory…,_ ” she said before pressing her lips together in embarrassment.

Abby sighed, not surprised.

“ _Did he_ _say anything_ _else?_ ” she asked as she sat down back on the garden swing.

“ _Well…,_ ” Callie started to say as she sat down next to her. “ _He said that you_ _refused_ _to believe that you have lost your memories. He_ _mentioned that you also thought that you were another woman who lives in space_ _,_ ” she told her, looking closely at her face.

“ _When you put it that way, it makes me sound crazy,_ ” Abby snorted, rolling her eyes with annoyance.

“ _I know you’re not,_ ” Callie reassured her immediately, grabbing her hand.

“ _But you think he’s right?_ _That it’s just_ _amnesia_ _?_ ” she retorted without being able to suppress the hint of reproach in her voice.

“What do you think it would be otherwise?” Callie asked her tentatively.

“ _I…,_ ” she started, but then cut herself off and sighed. She didn’t know what she even bothered. The more she talked about it, the more she realized that she sounded like she _was_ crazy. She needed to shrug off every rational explanation first. Taking a second to collect herself, she then looked up at her friend. “ _I have_ _no idea, but_ _no type of_ _mental_ _diseases or physical disorders could_ _explain why I remember an entire life, it’s not a delirium, it wouldn’t be so precise,_ ” she asserted with a professional tone.

Callie stared at her silently for some seconds and then tightened her grip around her hand.

“ _Honey, if you were another woman how can you explain that you know us…I mean, you know Clarke, Kane, Jackson, even me. Kane said you also_ _mentioned_ _Jaha_ ,” she pointed out in a diplomatic tone.

“ _I_ _know, but_ _what if all of this was a kind of alternative universe or something like that,_ ” Abby suggested, knowing she probably would sound crazy.

“ _Come on Abs’, we’re not in a sci-fi movie,_ ” Callie exclaimed as expected, with a chuckle.

“ _I know it seems absurd but…listen, I was on a space station,_ ” Abby started to explain, but she saw her friend open her mouth, ready to speak. “ _Please, don’t,_ ” she cut her off even before the first word had left her mouth. “ _Let me speak,_ ” she gravely pleaded.

Callie let out a soft sigh and nodded.

“ _Okay, so you were_ _in_ _space and then what?_ ” she encouraged her to keep going.

“ _A ship was about to launch but Diana took over the ship and_ _I probably was knocked out_ _,_ ” she explained, trying to put back together all of her last memories as she spoke.

“ _Diana Sydney?_ ” Callie interrupted her, raising an eyebrow in surprise. “ _Oh gosh even in an alternative universe she’s still a bitch,_ ” she commented, laughing out loud after Abby confirmed with a nod.

“ _Anyway, I_ _have fallen_ _into a black_ _hole we know nothing about. Maybe it’s that,_ ” Abby spoke again, only to stop when she noticed the smirk that had appeared on her friend’s face.

“ _Okay, I shouldn’t have forced you to watch Interstellar with me_ ,” Callie teased her.

Abby swallowed hard. She knew Callie didn’t mean to hurt her, but she suddenly felt the urge to cry and barely a second later, without warning, she burst into tears. Even after Jake’s death and Clarke’s arrest, she had never felt so lonely, so forsaken, so bereft.

“ _Hey honey, honey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mock you, it’s just, I…,_ ” Callie apologized instantly with shame, putting her arms around Abby’s shaking body. “ _I know you’re scared, we all are but Jackson will find a rational explanation, I know he will_ ,” she murmured against her ear as she started to rock her.

“ _But you don’t understand,_ ” Abby whined between two sobs. “ _There is_ _ **no**_ _rational explanation. I just don’t belong_ _ **here**_ _. I’m not_ _ **her**_ _. I’ve never lived on earth. I would never have been in love with Kane, after everything he did to Jake, to Clarke, to_ _ **me**_ _. This life looks like a nightmare_ ,” she poured her anger, her fears, all the bad things she felt inside her, out without thinking.

As soon as the last word had left her mouth, she suddenly felt Callie’s arms tense around her.

“ _Abby…,_ ” the later breathed out, her tone sounding like a warning.

Abby pulled a little away from her and saw that she was looking at something behind her. She didn’t have to think twice to know or to realize that Callie wasn’t the only one who had heard her.

Abby closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, silently cursing herself.

“ _I just…I…I shouldn’t have–,”_ Marcus’ broken voice reached her ears.

Abby didn’t need to see his face to know that she couldn’t have said anything more awful to him. She could almost hear his heart shattering into tiny pieces. She turned around and, this time it was her turn to feel her heart cracking inside of her chest. Marcus was standing within three feet away from them, two cups in his hands and his face as white as a sheet.

“ _Marcus…,_ ” Abby breathed out on a pleading tone.

“ _I need to…I…excuse me_ ,” he stammered as he put the cups hurriedly on the garden table and turned around.

“ _Marcus I’m sorry_ ,” Abby exclaimed as she jumped to her feet. “ _I didn’t mean to–,_ ” she tried to apologize, taking a step forward, but it was too late, Marcus was already back inside. “ _I need to talk to him, I need to tell him that I–_ ,” she said as she started to follow him but Callie prevented her from doing so by catching her wrist.

“ _Honey no_ ,” she told her. “ _Not for now_ ,” she added with a sad smile as she tugged gently on her arm, inviting her to sit down again.

“ _But I didn’t want to hurt him. He’s not the same Kane_ _that I know_ _. I wasn’t talking about him…not really…I just…,_ ” she justified herself, tears keeping to roll on her cheeks.

“ _Abby, did you talk about your life together? Did he tell you how you end up together?_ ” Callie asked her, tilting her head a little, searching her face with a look.

Abby stared at her for a second, frowning and then shook her head.

“ _No. He just told me about Octavia last night_ ,” she answered, wondering what her friend was getting at.

“ _Okay, then you should ask him,”_ Callie advised her, her tone serious.

“ _Why?_ ” Abby asked, not sure if she wanted to learn more about this crazy life which wasn’t hers.

“ _You’ll understand, just ask him,_ ” she told her again with an inscrutable little smile at the corner of her mouth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @abbygkane for her precious help !

When the kids came back later in the afternoon, and there was still no sign of Marcus. Clarke and Bellamy, after being informed by Callie about the incident in the garden, had tried to sound reassuring by telling Abby that he probably just needed some air and that he’d be back before dinner. But when dinner time came along, still no Marcus. Callie had stayed but around eleven she had received an emergency call, forcing her to go to the police-station where she worked.

Sitting alone in the darkness of the living room, Abby couldn’t help but feel guilty. This Kane _\- no this Marcus -_ was kind, selfless and sweet. He didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t deserve to be treated like she treated him, but what was she supposed to do? She wasn’t the woman he thought she was, the woman he loved. She couldn’t pretend to be this person, she wouldn’t be able to do so and it wouldn’t be fair anyway.

Soon after midnight, Abby heard footstep in the hall and she felt a sense of relief rushing through her. Rising from the couch, she walked toward the noise, an apology already on the tip of her tongue. After turning on the light, she barely held a disappointed sigh back when she noticed that it was only Bellamy, standing in front of her with his phone in his hand.

" _Sorry, it’s just me,_ " he said with a pinched smile. " _I’ve_ _got_ _news, by the way. Kane texted me, he said he’s with Pike and that we shouldn’t wait for him,_ " he informed her apologetically.

" _Did he say_ _anything_ _else?_ " Abby asked, wishing to know more about Marcus’ state of mind.

" _No. Sorry,_ " Bellamy answered, before tentatively raising his hand and giving her shoulder a comforting squeeze.

Abby looked down, while giving the boy a small nod. Biting down on her lower lip, she deeply inhaled. She felt both worried for Marcus as angry at herself. This family didn’t ask for this, no more than she had, but still, she was the one responsible for their pain. It was she who had broken Marcus’ heart in the garden. It was she who had taken the place of the woman they all loved.

" _You should go to sleep,_ " Bellamy suggested her after several seconds of silence. " _They’re probably speaking about putting the world to rights over a couple of drinks, he’ll be back in the morning with a clear head. You two could talk then,_ " he told her, his grip tightening slightly around her shoulder.

" _Yeah, you’re probably right_ _,_ " Abby agreed in a breath.

" _Goodnight then,_ " he said before turning around and moving towards the stairs.

" _Bellamy?_ " she suddenly called out for him. " _Do you think I’m crazy?_ " she asked him after he stopped to look at her.

Bellamy pursed his lips and then rubbed the back of his neck.

" _I...Honestly, I don’t know,_ " he answered, clearly embarrassed.

Abby shouldn’t be surprised by this answer, and yet it still felt like a punch to the gut. Giving him a nod, she opened her mouth to tell him goodnight, but before she could, the boy continued.

" _I mean, I know someone..._ _Echo’s roommate._ _Her name is Luna...She ate with us at noon and she mentioned something when I talked about your amnesia...,_ " he started to tell her in a hesitant tone. " _She’s well into mysticism and stuff like that and she spoke about_ _something she referred to as the_ _Walk-ins,_ " he told her gravely.

" _The Walk-ins?_ " Abby echoed, frowning.

" _Yes. She said that sometimes two souls can switch places and that’s why some people could suddenly not feeling themselves anymore,_ " he added, but the tone of his voice made it obvious that he didn’t believe it.

" _Why would they do that?_ _Switching places_ _?_ " she inquired anyway.

Abby was one of the people who didn’t believe in a higher power. She had never believed in any god nor in ghosts or spirits. She was a scientist with a rational mind and she thought that everything could be explained by scientific research. She respected every belief, every dogma, but she refused to believe that her destiny could be created by someone other than herself. However, right now, science seemed unable to give her a right explanation. She had woken up in another life, in another world with people who weren't who they were supposed to be. There wasn’t any rational explanation for any of this!

" _Oh, don’t ask me. Luna is...Well, she’s_ _pretty weird, so_ _usually I don’t really listen to her,_ " he replied with a shrug.

" _Do you think I could meet her?_ " she asked, ready to take every chance, even the craziest, to go back to her real life.

" _Of course._ _She has a store_ _at_ _the Mall. I could drop you off if you want_ ," he offered her with a gentle smile.

" _Thank you, I’ll think about it,_ " Abby said with a grateful nod.

Bellamy nodded at her back and started to walk up the stairs, but he stopped halfway.

" _Abby,_ _please_ _be careful a_ _nd don’t get your hopes up. It sounded_ _more like bullshit than a_ _valid_ _explanation_ ," he warned her before pursing his lips.

" _I know,_ " she simply answered as she put her arms around her body, comforting herself.

The boy stared at her for a few more second before scratching his head.

" _For what_ _it’s_ _worth...I don’t think you’re crazy,_ " he stated before climbing the final steps and disappearing behind the corner.

Abby closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The boy couldn’t possibly understand how good it felt to hear those words. Even though he probably just tried to be kind, it warmed her heart that he tried.

She stayed in the hall for a couple more minutes, while staring at the front door, wishing that Marcus would walk through the door, but he didn’t. With some reluctance, she tore her gaze from the door and started to walk the stairs towards her room.

 

 

Several hours later, Abby was woken up by a distant laugh. Turning her head, she noticed that the red numbers on the alarm clock signalled that it was past four in the morning. For a second, she wondered if she had imagined the noises, butthen she heard muffled voices coming from the first floor. Rolling out of the bed, she grabbed her robe.

As soon as she opened the door, she recognized Clarke’s voice. Why would she be up this late in the night? Intrigued, Abby walked toward the stairs and stretched out to take a look at the hallway. This time, a second voice reached her ears, but she didn’t recognize it. It was a woman’s voice for sure, but she couldn’t understand what she was saying.

Abby started to down the stairs in the dark and, as she got to the bottom, she saw a blue light coming from the living room.

" _Blood must have blood_ ", she heard Octavia’s voice exclaiming, which was quickly followed by laughter.

" _Bellamy no! That’s wasn’t the plan, you’re cheating,_ " Clarke’s voice resonated through the quiet house." _Mom ! Mom, tell them to stop,"_ the girl begged, her voice shaking with laughter.

It’s only then that Abby realized that she was listening to a recording.

" _Looks like I caught the great Wanheda_ " Bellamy’s voice boasted.

Quietly, Abby made her way toward the room and stopped at the entrance. She felt her heart tightening in her chest when she spotted Marcus sitting crossed-legs on the floor in front of the television. She could only see a part of his face, but the sad smile was still visible.

" _That word doesn't even exist_ ," Clarke pointed out as she was trying to escape from Bellamy’s grasp on the screen.

" _Yes, it does! It’s mean commander of death,_ " Octavia said as the camera turned on her, revealing a scary dark costume. The teenage girl was wearing a leather jacket and a pair of leather pants with a sword at her side. Her long hair was braided on the top and the ends fell freely on her shoulders.

" _A made-up language isn’t a real language!_ " Clarke protested before letting out a cry as Bellamy threw her up over his shoulder. " _Bellamy let me go_!" she yelled, struggling.

" _Ai laik yu heda, en yu na badan ai op,_ " Octavia roared, drawing her sword while threatening Clarke.

" _Gosh O’, you’re such a geek_ ," her brother mocked her.

A soft smile grew up on Abby’s lips. Even if her daughter was in trouble, she still seemed to be having fun.

Still looking at the screen, Abby forgot for a moment the world around her and leaned against the door jamb. It felt good to see Clarke like this, enjoying herself with other kids, far away from the sadness which haunted the Ark.

" _Why don’t you leave that camera and pour me a drink instead?_ " an off-screen woman suggested suddenly with a fawning voice.

Abby’s heart missed a beat. She knew whose voice it was, she knew it all too well.

The camera angle switched and she saw herself appear on the screen. She was wearing a jacket and her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She was arching a suggestive eyebrow and a mischievous smile was tugging up the corner of her mouth.

" _Oh, oh-oh, what do we have there?_ " Marcus’ voice exclaimed, his voice dripping with false surprise.

" _Marcus stop,_ " the other Abby grumbled as she tried to push the camera away.

" _Hmm_ _, guess I found the sexiest apocalypse survivor,_ " Marcus teased her as the camera angle slid up and down over the woman’s body.

" _Shut up Marcus and stop_ _filming me_ ," the other Abby ordered him, but the little smirk at the corner of her mouth took away all the credibility of her annoyed tone.

" _Why would I do that? The camera loves you_ ," Marcus objected as the camera angle tilted a little and stopped on the woman’s cleavage.

" _Are you really filming my_ _breasts_ _?_ " she asked with an offended tone.

" _Nope,_ " Marcus lied as the camera remained focussed on the creamy skin just over the collar of her shirt.

" _Damn Marcus, you know the kids will watch it, right_ _?_ " she reproached him as she tried to escape the camera. " _Stop it! Right now!_ " she ordered him and this time the camera went back to her face. " _Turn it off or--,_ " she started to threaten him.

" _Or what, Dr. Griffin?_ " Marcus cut her off.

" _Or you are going to have to find a new place to sleep tonight,_ " she said teasingly, as she raised a defiant eyebrow.

The camera was instantly turned off, leaving only a black screen on the television.

Abby stood still, her gaze fixed straight on the black screen. It was her, it was really her, moving, speaking, flirting with Kane. It was her face, her voice, her body, but...how could she have forgotten a whole life? How could she have made up a new one? She suddenly felt the urge to cry, to yell, to run, but she remained there, motionless, her heart and limbs feeling like if they had suddenly become too big to fit in her chest.

" _It was during Octavia’s birthday party last summer,_ " Marcus’ voice suddenly stated.

Abby stopped breathing and swallowed hard. She opened and closed her mouth several times, but no words came out. Her heart was racing and it took her several seconds to calm down. She was so confused. Hearing everybody speak about things she didn’t remember was one thing, but watching herself on a screen, made of blood and flesh, hearing her own voice, seeing her own face...What if they were all right? What if she really was losing her mind?

" _Marcus...,_ " she breathed out, unable to say something else, something _more_.

" _You don’t have to say anything,_ " Marcus reassured her with a small shake of her head. " _I mean, we’ll talk tomorrow. For now, I just_ _wanted_ _to..._ " he started before trailing of by gesturing towards the screen. " _I still have to watch the rest of the video. You can join me if you want to,”_ he offered her with a shy smile before turning his head toward the television and pressing play.

Abby hesitated for a moment. She didn’t know if she really wanted, or rather if she was ready to watch the life which was supposed to be hers on a screen. What if it wasn’t just _supposed_ to be hers? What if it was really her life? She couldn’t accept that. She simply couldn’t give all of her other memories up, nor the life she had lived or all of the people she had known. Nonetheless, she couldn’t help but stare at the screen. They seemed all so happy, even this woman who was supposed to be her. Was it wrong to have a glimpse of what her life would have been? Or what it was?

Taking a deep breath, Abby slowly made her way towards the television.

" _I think you forgot one,_ " Clarke’s voice exclaimed as Octavia was opening up several gifts which were all placed on the table in front of her.

The teenage girl reached for an envelope handed by a woman standing next to her before pulling a note out of the envelope.

" _What does_ _this_ _mean?_ " she asked with a frown while glancing to a person on her left.

" _What do you think it means_?" Marcus retorted, laughter clear in his voice.

Octavia remained stunned for a second and then a huge smile appeared on her face.

" _Oh my God Kane! Did you really buy me a horse?!_ " she exclaimed as she started to jump around.

On the other side of the television, Abby halted before sitting down on the armchair next to Kane, unable to take her eyes from the screen.

The camera turned to the left and Marcus appeared in view.

" _Well, not just a horse...I brought Helios, it was your favorite, right?_ " he asked with a shy smile, his hands stuck in his pockets.

Barely a second later, a dark haired hurricane stormed in front of the camera.

" _Oh my god! Thank you, thank you, thank you,_ " Octavia cried out before jumping in Marcus’ arms.

Caught off guard, the man stumbled a little and then tentatively held the girl back.

" _I’m_ _going to_ _have a horse,_ " Octavia exclaimed before breaking the embrace.

The camera remained focused on Marcus’ face. He was clearly overwhelmed with emotions even if he tried to hide it by rubbing his beard. Next to him, the other Abby was looking at him with a touched smile upon her lips. Without uttering a single word, she took his hand in hers and brought it to her mouth to press a kiss against his skin. Marcus looked back at her, his gaze shining with emotion as he tilted his head to press a light kiss against her temple.

From his position on the armchair, Abby turned her head towards the real Marcus and a wave of guilt washed over her. She had taken this from him. This life, this love between them. It wasn’t her fault, not really, but still she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

Marcus was still staring at the screen and the light of the television was highlighting the trail of tears running down his cheek. His expression was almost the same as the one he had in the video, but without the happy emotion. Without thinking, Abby got up from her seat before quietly kneeling down besides him. Because he was so focused on the screen, he didn’t notice that she had moved.

Tentatively, she raised her hand and reached for his face. The touch made him shudder and she heard him inhale deeply. Fearing that she might have done something wrong, Abby started to pull her hand back, but he stopped her by placing his hand on top of hers. At the same moment, he turned his head toward her and their gazes met.

" _We were happy...,_ " he told her in a murmur and the sound of his voice, filled with longing and sadness, made her want to cry as well.

A tear rolled down Marcus’ cheek and Abby swallowed hard. For the first time since she had woken up in this world, Abby wished she could have been the woman she saw on the screen. The woman who was desperately in love with this kind version of Marcus. She wished she could give him what he deserved, what he _needed_. She wished she could remember everything, could remember the love she felt for him. But wishing wasn’t enough... She couldn’t be close to him in the way he would have liked. Or even deserved.

" _I know,_ " she told him with a sad smile as she tenderly wiped a tear away from his skin with her thumb.

" _You made me so happy and I...I...,_ " Marcus trailed off.

" _And you made me so happy too...,_ " Abby continued, guessing the end of his sentence.

Marcus bit his lips and closed his eyes, his face twitching with pain.

" _I hope so...,"_ he said in a strangled voice. " _I hope so,_ " he said again before bursting into tears and completely falling apart.

Without a second thought, Abby pulled him into her arms and hold him tight against her. His strong body was shaking violently while his cries were crushing her heart. She felt tears pricking in her eyes as well. She could feel all his misery and how much he needed her right now, even if she wasn’t who he wanted her to be.

Carefully, she guided his head in the crook of her neck and he didn’t fight her, quite the contrary. She could feel his tears wetting her skin and she could smell a lingering odor of alcohol on his breath. He was drunk, not too drunk, but drunk enough to let his emotions take over.

" _Gosh, I miss you so much,_ " he breathed out as he clung onto her as if he never wanted to let her go.

Despite the weirdness of seeing Marcus losing his self-control, or having him in her arms, Abby couldn’t break the embrace. She couldn’t leave him like this without trying to comfort him. A little voice in her head started to tell her that she shouldn’t be this close to him, that she should be more careful and that Marcus’ words weren’t meant for her... She knew that she shouldn’t encourage this proximity, but she wasn’t strong enough to push him away. Not when she knew that he needed her, or that she found some comfort in his embrace as well.

Marcus continued to cry before tangling her fingers through his hair. She then turned her head until she could press a kiss against his cheek.

" _I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry,_ " she whispered again and again against his skin. " _I’m so sorry Marcus,_ "

They remained like this for a while, as long as it took for Marcus to stop sobbing.

By the time he seemed to have calmed down, the recording was over and the room was almost plunged into darkness.

" _Marcus?_ " Abby whispered, but he didn’t answer.

She made a move to push him a little away, but his body immediately started to collapse against hers. She tried to catch him, but she wasn’t strong enough and barely a second later, she found herself sitting completely on the floor, with Marcus’ head resting on her thighs.

" _Marcus?_ " she tried again softly, stroking his hair.

In response, Marcus folded himself tighter against her legs and let out a content sigh.

" _I love you_ ," he mumbled sleepily and this time Abby had to press her lips together to hold back a sob.

Deep down inside, Abby knew that these words weren’t meant for her, but she can’t help but feel a little flutter in her chest at the sound of those words.

" _Wherever she is, she loves you too,_ " she murmured after a moment of silence as she tenderly kept stroking his hair.

Little by little Abby started to lean against the armchair behind her, her fingers never leaving Marcus’ hair. He seemed so peaceful, that she didn’t have the courage to wake him so she decided to stay there for a while and try to sleep. Despite the lack of comfort, she was exhausted and as soon as she closed her eyes, she fell asleep.

 

**A little graphic for Octavia's birthday party**

<http://a-kabby-k.tumblr.com/post/165360300560/the-life>

 


End file.
